Reason
by CsillaDream
Summary: After learning that he was a failure as a Bookman because of the feelings he has for the other exorcist, Lavi shuts himself away from everyone especially one white-haired exorcist who he makes a habit out of avoiding all together. Why? Read and find out / ONESHOT


**Csilla: Please no one from my other fics come strangle me :l Writer's block is being a pain... and seems to activate when I want to update my 'happier' fics**

**DEDICATED: FairyTailFreak (for putting up with my frustrations of not being able to write)**

( - - - - )

Lavi dropped the quill; ever since he had returned to the Order after the battle with Road, the redhead hadn't been in the best state of mind. He could barely focus on his Bookman work; Road's battle had opened his eyes to what Lavi didn't want to admit - he had changed. Whether it was good or not that wasn't what mattered, the redhead was supposed to be objective and yet he had stopped being a fake.

_Was it Allen's fault?_

Sure he had said that the reason he stabbed Allen in Road's dream world was because _she_ had a fondness for the white-haired exorcist but Lavi couldn't shake the thoughts of him being the reasons for his own genuine smiles. Allen was different than the other exorcist in the order, he didn't advert his eyes when they first met - everyone, including Lenalee had and it was for the most obvious reason: the eye-patch. The day they met, he was surprised that curious silver eyes only stared at him right in the eye. Maybe it was because the white-haired teen had his own facial scar - a pentagram scar where one end slice through his eye leading down his face until it stopped and curved slightly on his cheek.

_What was it about that white hair that made him open up?_

Now that he thought about it, the two hadn't gone on many missions together nor had they really hung out - so how did Allen get so under his skin to break apart his shield? A soft knock at his bedroom door pulled him away from his thoughts, Lavi opened it slightly to see the subject of his thoughts standing there directing worried eyes up at him. Oh yeah, he had almost forgotten... the redhead had been openly avoiding Allen since their return. Gripping the door out of frustration, he asked in a strained voice: "What is it?"

Lavi hated himself for being controlled by Road... and for being so weak - he had attacked his best friend and made another cry out of fear of losing another comrade. He wasn't ready to face rejection from the person who made him weak but the redhead couldn't very well shut the door in his face so he was left waiting for the other to speak.

"Why have you been avoiding me, Lavi?" Allen's voice shook with a variety of raw emotions; a few that the redhead could pinpoint as: regret, frustration and the strongest being betrayal.

Looking away from the raw emotions, Lavi coughed out: "I haven't... just been busy,"

"LIAR!" The outburst caught him off-guard; his eyes flew back onto the source, who stormed towards him with his fist balled as if ready to strike him for his poor lying just a moment ago. He backed away and with his eyes on Allen, he didn't see the pile of books behind him and ended up falling backwards but not before taking the shorter male with him.

They landed with a hard thud on top of the scatter books and it wasn't long before Allen recovered then pinned the taller male beneath him letting out a low growl as the door closed automatically behind him: "You think I can't tell when you're lying to me... Lavi, I'm fucking pro at reading expression... So why are you avoiding me? Ever since we came back-no even before that, you were a little distant... so why? Answer me, you stupid rabbit!"

Defeated. The remains of Lavi's exterior was shattered; "Because... I'm weak,"

"No, you're not!"

"Let me finish first, beansprout..." Ignoring the nickname, Allen remained silent signalling for the redhead to continue on: "Road made me see... in that weird-ass dream world of hers... I'm weak... I'm a failure as a Bookman... I'm supposed to remain unattached and objective... but yet somewhere I became strongly attached to everyone here," his voice losing strength, "and possible to one individual, if Road's world was anything to go by..."

Again the smaller exorcist didn't speak; the silence between them was beginning to hallow out Lavi's chest letting negative emotions flood his system but before it could be completely filled he heard a soft: "So this person," locking onto the sadden curiosity reflecting in silver orbs above him, "this person you've become strongly attached... is... that the reason you're avoiding me?"

The question didn't seemed to be the one Allen wanted to ask; the redhead answered it regardless: "Y-Yeah... lame, huh?"

"Very," Relaxing his muscles, Allen leaned down and wrapped his arms around the older exorcist's neck before whispering: "Feeling emotions doesn't make you a failure... No one can predict what will happen so... so what if you can messed up as a Bookman... I'm sure if you still wanted to be one, you could... but now that you've felt something, it'll be harder..."

Before he could pull away, hesitant arms wrapped around him pulling the white-haired teen closer then wondering out loud: "...since you're so good at reading people... could you tell me who this person is?"

Allen pulled away enough to look into the scared mint-green orb: "Nope... I'm pretty sure this person would rather hear it from you then me,"

"Don't leave my side..." Pulling the smaller back against his body, he hid his face in the other's chest receiving a gentle: "I won't"

( - - - - )

**Csilla: Yeah... another oneshot... another slightly angsty one :l**

**Why are these just coming right out but when I NEED to write happier ones... I lose motivation ;-;**

**&simple oneshot~ nothing more...**


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